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wolfstar's avatar

Fantastic essay. I wonder if, over and above the obvious reasons (the projects felt like busy work and you realized you didn't want to program anymore), it comes down to a difference between doing things for others and doing them for yourself. Your earlier endeavors as a missionary and in the military were in service of your church, your god, the state etc... whereas your degree was just for you, with no-one else depending on it or benefitting from it. Sometimes it's harder to do things for ourselves than it is to do them for others; there is a certain satisfaction in sublimating ourselves.

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Harvey Bungus's avatar

Thanks for posting, it means quite a bit to get to read it.

"I am a man at war with my own mind, trapped in what feels in my cynical moments like a world and a culture that seems determined to validate my lower impulses and discourage my best." A man of the people, and a line for the age.

As someone who barely dodged school-by-tablet and uni-by-Zoom, I can't believe the fallout from WFH and the move to digital life, and the damage it's done (or allowed me to do) to my career and education. It's bizarre to lose the forced-but-good-for-me features of life that people instantly took for granted not long ago. And yet, the smartest, most inspired and awesome people in the world, are on Twitter working at their tech/finance/research jobs while shitposting. And here I am, struggling to get out of bed, also shitposting. It's pretty damn hard to say "I am going to do this" and have it matter at all if the only reason is you said you wanted to. What gives?

The worst part of the Dark Playground is how everyone else there seems rich, successful, wholesome and motivated - Bryan Caplan included! You either have to believe that the Dark Playground is intrinsically motivating for everyone but you, or that you have work to do before you can enjoy the Playground, even though all these other people are just crushing it. I think the latter is much closer to the truth - that most of the best guys on there have essentially made their money and contributions, and are just chillin, doing whatever they find fun.

In light of that, it's nice to see someone on here who has done cool stuff in spite of very recent struggles. In making my December Resolutions (NY resolutions being insufficiently ambitious) this kind of post weighs heavily on my mind. Your writing and twitter have inspired me to do Real Life stuff that involves showing up and being part of a community. If this corner of the internet is as close as one can get to an ambitious, community-driven, pre-WFH and pre-cellphone environment, it's nice to have someone who tries to make it as good as possible. Thanks again for posting.

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